Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This baby is an asshole
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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