i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
