my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
