she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
