3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
