You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
