sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
