I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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