my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
They have beer where we have blood.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
