Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
