It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
