she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
