your thong is hanging out like whoa
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
