So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
