Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
