Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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