Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
