you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
