i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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