I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Randomize
