Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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