The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
