I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
