id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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