She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
