What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
4 words: hood of his car
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
