i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
