I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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