would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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