If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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