in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
