you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
