I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
