So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
