Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
