did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
