He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she looked like the before picture.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
