She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
