In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
