cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
