Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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