well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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