But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
where are my eyebrows?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
