Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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