You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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