do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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