best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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