5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize