i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
