bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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