Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
