just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
