You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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