Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
