I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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