yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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