Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You were trust falling into bushes
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
