So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
