It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
